Why I Stopped Meditating

​For a couple of years Christ-Centered meditation has been steadily developing into a foundational part of my journey with the Lord. For many months I was even writing about meditation and sharing some of those thoughts with others at times. Christ-Centered meditation was becoming so integrated into my daily life and I was experiencing so many benefits, that it was hard for me to remember why someone wouldn’t want to jump right in! 

But in all the recent upheaval in our lives (albeit change I had been praying for), I was personally REACQUAINTED WITH THE REASONS WE RESIST AND AVOID THE LORD:

•  I felt that I had no time..everything about my life and daily schedule had been turned upside down. 
• A torrent of mundane details demanded my attention (renovating/staging/listing one house and searching for another)  
•  I started to perceive meditation as requiring so much effort and work on my part, against which I began to resist because I felt so pulled-on from every other direction in my life. 
• When I tried to meditate, I felt overcome with distraction, and ended up feeling like nothing was happening, and I was wasting time. 
• The thoughts of what I wasn't doing became a nagging feeling in my conscience...my desire for him began to numb...His calls to me ignored, even dreaded. 
• This led to marinating in feelings of guilt and condemnation and believing there was a growing distance between us. 
• With every day and week that passed, I focused more on the obstacles I would have to overcome to actually spend time engaging him rather than the benefits. 
• So I stopped pressing pause and allowed my life to roll on in Fast-Forward. 

In the midst of all this transition, my husband and I were blessed with the opportunity to travel to Israel and tour the Holy Land. It was here, that the Lord had my undivided-attention once more. While sailing on the Sea of Galilee, I remembered that Jesus is not a mythical storybook character but a real person who really lived in a real time in history. Standing in the Garden of Gethsemane, I touched the leaves of the olive trees He may have leaned upon while praying. At the Garden Tomb, I saw the mountainside that resembles a skull where Jesus may have been crucified. I entered a real 1st century Jewish tomb, like the one where his innocent body was laid after having been mutilated beyond recognition. And we walked the streets Jesus walked after he rose from the dead. Jesus is alive and as real as the ground he walked on in Israel! 

So why does this matter? The more I viewed Christ-centered meditation as simply a good Christian habit that I needed to "get back to doing" - it seemed to have a polarizing effect on me - pushing me away in the opposite direction, because I felt like it was a "duty".  But when I acknowledged meditation as a real invitation to connect with the real person of Jesus, my heart longed to respond to His call.

In meditation, he simply calls us to pause and pay attention to His presence. There is no self-initiated agenda in this. He is in charge of the time and we don't have to feel any pressure to conjure up spiritual revelation. I found too that meditation is critically linked to being full of His Word inside our hearts. When I wasn't meditating, I generally was not reading the Bible either. I am NOT here to lay a burden on you by saying that every day you have to read a portion of God's Word "or else!". What I am saying however is that, without the truth of His Word filling up our hearts on a regular basis, there is less fresh substance upon which to meditate. When my heart is thriving with his Word, times of meditation are usually FILLED with His voice, images, and stories of His goodness. When my body is malnourished of His Word over a longer period of time, I feel more distracted with my own thoughts and meditation can feel somewhat empty.

He is solely responsible for our transformation because He is the AUTHOR and PERFECTER of our faith (Heb 12:2). We just have to show up. Only He knows what each of your meditation moments will look like. Here are some of the ways He gives to me through meditation: 

• Proclaims His love for me
• Emphasizes the fact that no matter how far I may feel from Him, He is always by my side
• Reveals new insights from scripture
• Remind me of his goodness and faithfulness in the past
• Asks me to consider HIS perspective on an issue
• Lights up the way He wants me to go
• Heals me and mends past wounds
• Ignites faith as I meditate on His word
• Illuminates a Bible narrative in my mind like a movie screen
• Empowers me to fix my eyes on Him, even through life's circumstances
• Speaks truth about His character and my identity
• Gives me words to encourage someone

But it’s never about planning these moments out or being responsible to come up with them. It’s simply about coming to Him with only our hearts to offer. Much like a sheep comes to a shepherd or a child runs to her Abba-daddy. Although it was tough, I am thankful for this season of change and the obstacles I encountered. As a trial often does, it reminded me of the Why behind the What and renewed my passion for Christ and for moments to PAUSE and meditate on HIm. 

In the midst of a national crisis, an Old Testament King, Hezekiah, "went up to the house of the Lord...and prayed" (Isaiah 37). He acknowledged the Lord and His faithfulness, and asked him to rescue the nation. The Lord replied, "Because you have prayed..the Lord has spoken." I believe this is true today, but not in an action-reward kind of way. What I hear is that God is always wanting to speak to us...and when we pause long enough to acknowledge Him and listen...HE WILL SPEAK! 

He is calling you today...inviting you into the space of an intimate moment with Him. He wants to wrap you in his smile and peace and remind you that there are no demands he is placing on you today, He only wants to give to you. A healthy relationship with Him always starts with Him giving generously and us responding in gratitude and love. Nothing we do is initiated by us...it always starts with Him. There is only ONE HERO IN OUR STORIES, and it is Him!